VanishinG

My life started to die.
Havnt keep in touch with God.
I still trust him, and always.
Somehow everything around me is leaving and changing.
To a life i rather die for someone.
I kinda feel like, i need to do something.
I need something.
Need Love.
A balance life.
A story.

How long should we wait for the time comes?

Now

I feel

Empty

Somehow we cant blame the existence of assholes.
If evil don't exist,
Justice won't shine.

DaiLy ReporT

havnt been updating blog in a while.. as well as going to church ><, feeling guilt

Its, holiday, im not taking winter coz my loan not approved by not enough documents.
even approved, i will oso be the same. yayasan doesnt gives money for winter.

this holiday is kinda buzy yet free...
playing Cabal private server > MoonNight Cabal

playing with Daryl, and his bro. My bro is playing dragonica, he will shift over when he is done with that. so as my cousins. SPM.
STPM, my high sch frens... hope they will play too^^

designing u-wear for the T-shirt for the 3rd year. I actually like the 1st one i designed, but daryl doesnt seems to like it, it is the logo he doesnt like to see the same thing over and over again.
well, i remodel up the logo, and he is ok with it already.

oh, i havn been drawing animes lately, but am designing own logos and titles.
trying to understand more things to get inspiration for my story.
Yeap, im making a story.
It will be a hell to finish even 1 season.
My story is indeed a long series. 7 seasons. yet have prob in naming characters.
but i ahve a dream about my story have to be better than naruto > so far i've seen the best story made.

arrrrgh... thinking more making me giving up. i dont know will this help in my future. making a story suppose to be a literature's work or a designer's work?
hmm, both jobs take places.

And i have been disappointing in some frens... well, not to gossip, i will slip it away and dont talk about it.

For now, am hoping to be happy all time. Let's wait for time being =)
Im waiting...

Cry?

Are girls more sensitive than guys? I don't think so. Are they more feelingful? I don't think so either.

Girls can cry whenever they wanted, does this mean they show more feeling? of course we know they hold it as much as possible.

As for guys like us, how could we hold tears in every situation that will destroy our pride? But even though guys cant hold it anymore, we still hold it till the tears leak out itself. That pain is more severe. A choke too yr heart lungs and inner head. That feeling...

As for my experience, i've seen and hear lots of my frens(guy) cry. I dont know the reason for some, but i know theres no girls around when they cry. Even one cry for his girlfriend who brag about breaking, he showed emotionless but cry like sick child behind. I also wonder why do we afraid of crying in front of girls. At 1st i thought somehow to protect images or not to lose thickness of face. But its already the fact for so long in humanity that it became a habit of life. Like a 'pantang'

Of course guys do cry for a reason. The lost of something precious or being touched. Some might also guess that the pain of being hurt physically. But i doubtly believe most guys wont do those.
I think that i might cry a lot in future. Saying Goodbye , Losing Someone? , Touched, Laughters until cry(I love that one)
Cant think of anymore recently, but if you're talking about fighting that makes me cry? Give me a break, you'll send me to death that you wont see those tears.
Thats what i think a real man wont cry of.

Currently 0 Of You

Some day...

Currently 2 Of You

VST: well, u are the 1st in list... but i saw u somewhere 'xixx x xox' so is that 'xr xf'? that makes a doubt in me now, i wont put hopes too high now... but i still looking forward to our next 'rexxxxx', hope to see you soon

MW: you arent compared to the 1st, coz 'sxx' is my 'xyxx'... maybe u r more 'bxxxxxxxx', but not truly truly my xxxx... i like yr attitude, the way u think is almost as perfect as VST... u r just abit blur, but that doesnt matter.. a major prob is u r with a 'xxxn' of mine b4, and currenly RL is on a move... and u knew lots of those gangs... its kinda a mess to 'xxtx wxxx xxu'

or shall i say lets wait time to see a new one? as things around me makes me desperate, especially my frens around... still i dont wan to make stupid things... the the power of 'xxxe' is very strong

GoodBye DELUHI

haiz...we are all being skeptic about the disband, who knows it is real..
hmm, i eard it is the bassist Aggy is resigning from DELUHI... but will the whole band disbanded? i hope not... hope they found a new great bassist as Aggy... but the most important person in the band is Juri and Leda... which is the music image of their band... sad sad sad... gazette so long le no disband... great maintain...
DELUHI, dont disband >.<
i wan to hear more new songs... i even vote DELUHI for the top Jrockband site...
Gambatehyo~
a great memory from DELUHI live at blizkerg(something like that).. that gives a live of art to everyone person's interest in rocks and band...
wawa T_T
DELUHI final album, i wonder...
DELUHI Forever?
=)

now... it is not i choose to be... is what it choose me to be... when will fate comes... everybody hope for granted... im just like a knight with a sword, but just wont make a move... whats so good if im strong if i dont make moves?
and i cant change myself... everyone is seeking their disabilities to change themselves.. but no1 holds the word "just be yourself"
whats an answer to this... i wonder

Yeah... my latest name style looks better... updated version 3rd time(without changing colours) @.@

DELUHI & the GazettE

DELUHI:

Hoshi No Nai Yoruni
Remember The Rain
Recall
Two Hurt
Revolver Blast
Ivory & Irony
Flow Snow
Orion Once Again
Freedom
Departure
Frontier
The Farthest
Hybrid Truth
Skapegoat
Shade
Wake up!
No Salvation
G.A.L.D

the GazettE:

Nausea & Shudder
Cassis
Calm Envy
Ito
In The Middle Of Chaos
Without A Trace
Reila
Hanakotoba
Pledge

I realised even i like deluhi more than gazette... but all songs in gazette is more in my mind to jam than deluhi's...deluhi = crazy hard
Cassis comes 1st... then Nausea, calmenvy... follow by pledge...

ResigneD

i forgot to mention this... you have gone too much...
am sorry... and i've resigned...
goodbye and fairwell

Since Earthquakes and tsunamis happened on japan... everyone is talking about wat happen tsunami hits malaysia... or taiwanese, americans etc.. everyone is wondering of the disasters now...
i wonder too... is this a sign of end is coming?

And i hope no one reads these(only the few i expects)
I will just get laugh or get crazied by people, even friends...

WhaT On EartH

Dooms day? 2012 dec? 2011 may?
Nibiru? Dimensions collapse?
Lots of predictions around...
Lots of predictors are good, and it really happened...
So is this another faith challenge?

I actually am thinking do we deserve to be gone?
i havn actually seen this world, but i know theres alot of corruption...
Fights, Rapes, Tortures, Pollutions, Revenge...
Everyone had fight for their own rights, and things getting complicated... that we havn realised we are already at war...
But i actually think the happy things we could see can cover everything... Festivals, Parks, Beach, life, love... It may be seem tiny...
I dont actually plan on dying but if it came we will have to accept the fact, but for me... Die Hard~

I believe God sends thousands or millions of people to spread his teaching... But not much of them worked... However had been cursed instead >> "Judge like we know everything, send by God to guide human being..." Tasks arent that simple... And faith of the people is fading... The news are over the world, that everyone knows and might believe it... They choose to believe in scientific results, or maybe being manipulated to test our faith by God...

I believe this may come to an end to us coz lots of people dont know the question of all these things... and also, the answer... I might be wrong too...

WE NEED TO BE ONE... >.<

We cant keep on corrupting ourselves... The world needs us and we need it... If everyone on this world will fight as one, theres "HOPE"
These senders of God are just a pain in the ass, as we can see people who still torture, pleasing themselves by the sacrifices of others, hated the world as they hated themselves...
It's useless... I know theres no way we can be one but i cant just give up yet >.<
Some people maybe bad, but they dont really intend to be bad, they wanted a good and happy life as well...
Now as i stand on this world, as you up there watching me, my Lord... I cant do anything... I dont have the power and strength nor the skill of persuading to make changes... The world cant depend on just 1 man... Everyone is important, one life lost is great sadness... The lost of the world is a devil's birthday = =
I dont have the power create miracles like Jesus, Moses or whoever else... Im just a boy... Yeah, if i would hold that power, i will make judges of righteousness, and bring balance of life.. And if i am able to stop the world from dying... I will sign up for the job^^

Yea, 1 more thing...
You... Yes it's you... (i bet you dont know)
Today i learn a shocking truth of you...
You are actually fading from my goodness of you...
More and more...
What shall we see?
I shall let time make it's move 1st =)

I SeeMs ForgotteN

Today is my 1st met with my niece - Jazmyn
bcoz of that baby... im an uncle now = =
gosh, am i that old? geez LOL
but ure so adorable! i lik to cubit yr face!

And now, degree life has started...
nothing good happen...
i seem to be forgotten ....
Forever As A Friend
and now, not even a stranger ...
a person that nvr existed even in sight .....

Photoshop is fun...
I suddenly do nothing about photography ler...
LOL...
Pentool is important~ after all my layers sortings, im gonna color it...
thats hell... darn~~~
today so funny...
go 88 there eat, me and ron xxxxe...
then gone, i left it on car front...
go to garden the dont have ki? baru realise nothing.. LOL
drive and and take video... a mission to search... hahaha
at last found and the whole process is funny...
Mission acomplish~~~~
stupid dogs, dont bark at me

tml will be my MPW final
and also..
Degree Starts

EverydaY

everyday i seen more things...
see life...
seek experience...
understanding and learning...
everyday theres lot of things bumps in my head...
everyday my memory expands...
everyday my dream world grows...

there will be no life-time to story up my life X(

Why i dream that you are my girlfriend?
in dream, we keep travelling...
and met lots of frens too... even Xxxxxx
jus a day after valentine day...
am i thinking too much?

BrooM~

havn post in a while..
these days so mny ppl wan fight each other...
that jxxxxxxx wan to jio me... ask me come out, but at last he no guts come out
that kxxx xxxxx wan jio jxxxxx boy'fren LOL
that cxxxxxxx kena jio by ppl coz they wan his gf...
that mxxxxx go jio pengawas bcoz he report he smoking...

we just play cars again...
this time is not the dark place..
because the dark place is actually stutong baru new highway @.@
this time is a 'bako' (or some spelling lik that)
nice nice... fun fun... ^^

this is kinda a big reunion...
seen lots of my high sch mates...
all so beng... but stil frenly to me lar..
all hang out til so late, they all tml got exam...
actually me too... not exam~ it's presentation^^
morning :)

hope i can get through MPW fast and pass it... after that will be enjoying degree XD
oh yeah rayd, when i get into degree... lets jam yea?

What song ho..

i was thinking about
-cassis (chorus abit hard to pull)
-calm envy (this is perfect)
-ito (still new to this song, dont knw much yet)
these are softer rocks... and sounds so beautiful...

and then comes in

-nausea and shudder (yeah, this is good. we can do it)
-colors of the heart (nid lower 1 tone, i can do it :))

a more live hard rocks and beautifully sound, but abit hard to sing..
realize these mostly is frm gazette.. deluhi songs are way too hard to play and sing..
if we r able to do it, will be doing

- Recall 2009 (this song is perfect, sadly i dont have enough high pitch)
- Two Hurt (same as above)
- Ivory & Irony (same as above)
- Orion Once Again (im still not good i shouting, and not enuf high pitch X_X)

these are very heavy & metal... but soooo good~ sooo hard to sing and play too...
and even harder songs

- Departure (too much effects)
- Frontier (too much metal singing)
- The Farthest (song too metalic & all in english which makes it wierd)

Best Cool & Singing song: Nausea & Shudder
Best Mainstream & Live Song: Cassis
Best Sentimental & Touching Song : Calm Envy
Cant choose among these 3... they are the best in GazettE

am not in a dilemma... choices are always prepared in mind... just dnt know how to take it out at the moment

Dilemma

stuck in choosing... is this called Dilemma?

MusiC

Piano - Stayed at where i am always~
Violin - Getting worse, but better than guitar alot still
Vocal - Most focusing now, highest pitch is G... learning so hard now...
Guitar - learning to change chords fast~
Bass - should be ok~
Drum - i want to learn~
ukulele - i wan to buy
harp - haiz, can never find 1 here

maybe i thought i saw the wrong person X_X

im not S.A.D. anymore... have a few choices here... maybe im not takin any of them >.<

BanD ForMeD ?

Feel kinda happy these days...
but stress on "o0o" MPW... assignment and test on sameday... LOL
almost go to garden everynight... i love the breeze in the night, sleeping twiting voice of birds, catz wonder arround...
oh yeah... what should we name our new band?

Music On~
Turn On~
Everyday Night Jamming
Everyday Night Activity
Everyday Nightmode

still got lots of choices huh? but somehow i kinda wish that we have a special names... very unique~ @.@

i hope we have buddies who play bass... and we need another guitarist as well, if not rayd will have to play 2 parts... If no bassist, i will have to sing and play >.<
i think it's hard but i will learn for the moment... sounds good huh? since im learning everything i can take any parts i wanted to be, but im not still good in every instruments @.@

i envy this girl's bass playing
Colors Of The Heart(UVERworld), Bass cover
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvgNMfCjK4E
so pro pro... any basist can paly for me XD, like this girl, she can even dance so flexible while playing~ Sexay~~~

Cousins coming frm KL, lots of stuff to chat about~ cant wait @.@
but i hav no CNY mood at all~

ColorS Of ThE HearT

no title for today... buzy evening til mid night... X_X
honestly im sick of valen RO dy... desire guild ppl very sickening shits...
now nole and daryl lee nid me to support them... gosh im not GM... sry guys...
1st time hanging alot together at garden... brothers... except cheng... but bran and kueh is ther... things feel more fun when dy is arround... it kinda feels more brother and playing style... glad to reform brothers back...
and i was thinking of forming a band with rayd... dy can be the drummer... i will be the vocalist on J-songs... no1 play bass... i can play bass too.. LOL, keyboard or violin... hmmm... what should i be... X_X
anyway guys... I wanted songs to be J-Rock, most form DELUHI... But lets go on with this 1st:

Colors Of The Heart

There's nothing stronger than the heart of a volunteer

i fail my english...
wat a disgrace...
i hope CP works for me...

Pretty Man?

Can you believe this?
im going to beautify my face...
i cant take too oily food, and some thing like belacan...
i need to stay away from smokers...
need more moist for my contacts...
follow instructions everyday...

life hard X_X

I am 19

good bye 18, 18 was fun... i lov it...
hmm, i got a birthday partner from now on...
she's funny, felt relief whenever chatting with her...
always brought my mood up... thanks...

An also, today is the gathering of my BrotherS
after a little conflict, we havnt been gathering together...
now it seems to be ok, looks like both sides want to settle things down, and went back to what it was before...
glad for you guys...

and my surprised cake is wow... Yondaime
like it... nice choice, cute pic ^^
thankyou guys for setting up things happily and smooth...
dont worry, it goes well..
thers nothing much i can thank more for...

so whats my little wish ther just now?
i wonder... X)

S.A.D.

phang came up with this... nice combination...
im one... too one..
why ha? L.O.L. ?
yeap yeap yeap...
dont giv too much hope ar...
btw another hour countdown~

Bad Sign

woke up late, forgot wear a coat, late for class.. had a bad dream..

tml is summer sem...
grp 1 & 5
wonder whos there

To A Free Tomorrow

It's true that when my part / job is over, i must let it go...
But that reason isnt enough.
I always believed

That the past isn't something that one can cast away so easily.

IT'S PART OF WHO YOU ARE.

You cant go on living if you cant carry the weight of your past

So you have to appreciate

The harvest that you sowed.


You have to decide how to live

In the present....


Quoted - BlackCat
(Love this story, everything make sense)


Saya Minatsuki